I sit here on my couch, laptop in my lap, my mom in sight.
Minus the way we take our coffee, mine black with one ice cube and hers slightly tan from a little non-fat milk, we look identical as she is on her computer feet away.
I don't think the phrase "becoming my mother" is appropriate. She has showed me through the years a strong personality and helped me develop my own sense of self all while loving (present tense included) me unconditionally. Although not opposite, I never felt relatable to her. We were just two strong people and she was just a ton more bad ass.
A text from her the other day read, "Am I stubborn?". I without hesitation texted into my phone: "Yes, when there is conviction..."
Sent.
Stop.
Lightbulb.
It was a revelation. Her gene of stubborness was very much in my veins. Mine possibly undeveloped and a little less mature, lets face it, ALOT less mature, it was something I had in common. (Minus the texting: yes people, my momma texts.)
I saw her reflection in Michelle's common sense. I saw her compassion ministered through Amy's hugs. Being a little bit of an odd bird of the three girls: tomboy/sporadic/doing-my own thing, I just had never seen my mom in me. I have very much wanted to. I never have met someone as amazing as her. Strong and courageous. Insightful. Beautiful.
I have been grown up since a very young age, knowing what I want and who I am. Becoming my mother is not in the cards for me because she has helped me develop into my own person. Which is why I love her so much. Knowing that I owned her stubborness made me feel triumphant, relatable, content. The little odd bird had finally flew home.
Maybe coffee, a little different colored from the milk and taken different ways, deep down is always coffee.
I am very okay with that fact.
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Damn, girl, and you can write with such thought and depth ... not so many words but saying so much. That's a gift. You are a gift.
ReplyDeleteMy precious Emily...I agree that we are more alike than we knew (i.e. stubborn yet quite sensitive), but you do and will continue to far surpass me in amazingness! And you're right - I love you unconditionally, but that is quite easy to do. What joy is mine to have you. Hugs. Mom
ReplyDeleteKeep writing, Em. I'm reading too and loving it!
ReplyDeleteTracy Pingel
Well Em, you can't do much better. You have proud and grateful parents. But I see that "gene" in all 3 of you... ;).
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think of it as stubborn. I think of it as standing up for your convictions. Slightly different IMO in that conviction is willing to change when the situation warrents it. When the facts reveal a flaw having humilty enough to admit it and stand in that. That's what I have been seeing.